The Worst Kits of Sporting History

"Nou hier kom die kak!"

 Following the furore the surrounded the unveiling of the full spectrum of the Pink Bulls in the SupeRugby, it got me thinking about the other horrendous kits I have seen over the years. And would you know it, the men from Pretoria are not only not the worst, but they may even struggle to make a Top 10 list. Let’s have a look at those who have tried to turn the beautiful world of sport into the ugly, cut throat, world of fashion and have failed to alter our game!

 

"And we will stop Messi with these Guns!"

 

Cameroon football 2002

Never before have mullets enjoyed buying sporting kits than this. Cameroon who thought they were being innovative lacked the spark of Steve Jobs, and instead inspired wife beater wearing by all 7 people that bought the replica kits. The players didn’t like it, Fifa didn’t like it and Cameroons football didn’t like it, they were knocked out from the World Cup at the first stage and the kit was knocked off the shopping racks too! They of course tried some one piece nonsense later on and the skin tight shirts too, but have since moved back to the standard Puma shirts.

 

Hahahahhahahhahaha

 

Mexico football 1998

This is probably one of the hardest kits to right something thoughtful about. If you look at the kit it is very difficult to keep a straight face and that can only be what the creator was going for! If you were a defender about to tackle one of these men, you would fall to the floor faster than a Barcelona player and roll around more than Marcelo in fits of laughter. This of course would lead to Mexico scoring the goal. The problem would arise in that no one would see it as they would be wiping the tears out of their own eyes and the goal wouldn’t stand. Possibly the biggest argument ever for goal line technology.

 

Ein Prosit. . .

 

Germany Cricket 2010

Germany are making the first of their two appearances in this list right here. When you think of German sport, you will definitely think of the brilliance of the football side winning the World Cup three times, the basketball European championship in 1993, the three handball World Cups, Steffi Graff, Boris Becker, Martin Kaymer and of course the domination of two formula 1 drivers. Cricket however barely makes the list of the national sports of Germany. The German cricket team decided that they needed to be more memorable and instead of going about dominating the sport with the aplomb that many of their countrymen would, they chose to wear that kit! Unforgettable at least

 

I would rather wear the cricketers kit!

 

Germany Football 1994

And here they are for their second. Being the defending Champions at a World Cup event is challenging, defending a football event while having a mane on your shirt is just downright delirious. The Germans showed up to the event as one of the hot favourites but paid the price for distracting their players with the most obscure design seen in 1994. They have since failed to overcome this humiliation at World Cups despite some truly spectacular kits since this and have consistently fallen at the knock out stages of World Cups. The curse of the kit keeps on.

 

Taking "eye of the tiger" to the next level

 

Hull City 1992

Many of us will remember with fond delight the 2 year stay of Hull in the Premier League in which for a very brief moment in August they topped the league. At that stage they were wearing a glorious black and orange kit and were managed by the man who spent too much time spraying self tan on. But things were not always this good for the Tigers. In 1992 their kit supplier was a company named Matchwinner who were dispatched that year after designing one of the worst kits in history. They quite literally took the coat of a tiger, pushed ctrl + C and then ctrl + v. What was left was a monument to Tigers (Not the golfer, that would be a sex shop) worldwide, but a joke to a football team.

 

Viva Oranje!

 

England 7’s 2010

The regular readers of the site will know that I am a very patriotic supporter and cannot understand when teams move away from their national colours. The England 7’s side started the rot with a horrendous Orange kit that can only be described as an ode to the Dutch? Orange has never been a colour of the English National side, but all of a sudden the traditional white was out the door and England were trying to summon the spirit of the Oranje in a quest to take over the 7’s world, they haven’t. You could include the Lime Green Wallabies 7’s team in here too!

 

More exciting than the clubs football

 

Birmingham City 1992

Birmingham City are a bunch of idiots. I always liked it when Alex McLeish was there, because hating them was easier with the least like Ginger in the world in charge. That being said, their fans lack class and are idiots too! Anyway, that being said, this is not about how bad they play, but rather how bad they dressed at one point in time. And that was really bad. I thought about putting this one last, because the pyjama outfit definitely makes you a little bit sleepy (Much like Birmingham’s football in the PL years). But WAKE UP, there is more!

 

Im here to fix your pipes...

 

Houston Astros 1970’s

A common myth from the 70’s is that half the sports stars were porn stars too (In America only of course) looking at this picture, Myth busted, they all were!

 

"I would bleed for my team, wait, is that blood!? Aaaaaahhhh"

 

Athletic Bilbao 2004

In 2004 Bilbao took the expression of bleeding for your team to a whole new level as they put what essentially equated to blood splatter on their shirts for the season. Of course this took faking an injury in Spain to a whole new level as the players constantly saw blood on the shirt and immediately launched into a triple axel, double pivot cartwheel summersault hand stand with not even a hint of a touch of contact. They have since this gone back to the more traditional, but as they are still a team in Spain, the diving hasn’t stopped.

But if you are looking for the team that puts the isgust into disgusting, the harm into charm and the azy into crazy (okay, Im still working on those sayings, but they will catch on, watch this space) then you have to look no further than Stade Francois.

 

ATJ Worst Kit in History, 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th!

 

Stade Francois Every Year

The chairman of Stade Francois wanted his team to be memorable and have a kit that people would talk about for ages. He has succeeded with some of the craziest kits we have ever seen in sport. From the insane pink (sorry Bulls, you weren’t first) to artist drawings to insane. They have done it all and duly will wear the crown of the ATJ Worst Kit Ever as well as the first loser and second loser and third loser. Dominance like this hasnt been seen since Jamaica in the 100 metre sprints. 

Are there any others that stick out in your sporting memory? Let us know in the comments below. Hey that was a bit like a poem, and data is very expensive to roam. Or something like that!

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